twiddle me thumbs

Dear Blog,

Yay. It has been quite awhile since I came back to Singapore, nearly 2 months :) Many things have happened but life still seems boring occasionally. Especially when I itch for things to do. And strangely, I still write blogs in my head, when I'm walking home late at night. Of the good, bad and strange things that has happened, and of people and how they behaved and what they said.

Oh, customer service is ever pleasantly horrid in Singapore. but sometimes there are nice cute guys who explain things to you even if you don't buy the sports shoes, although for every nice guy there seems to be two grouchy salesgirls who follow you around and glare at you for not buying the product off them (or afraid I'll turn and run with it). seriously. old aunty salesgirls are not to be trusted because you look good in all their clothes anyhoo and have the best figure ever. SO, you can tell I've been shopping a wee bit too much and I am hence, BROKE.


Observational Learning Attachment at some-hospital-for-goodness-sake is like... "..." after a while. Sometimes the monotony gets to me and I forget that I wanted the experience in the first place. And how to be grateful. Am I not inquisitive and curious enough so much so that I am bored? Or is a pharmacists job so... boring? Or is it working that is boring? Is it because I have no skills I can apply and nothing my level that I can learn so I am bored, or everyone is too busy to care in the outpatient pharmacy? (I hope it is the latter, and I hope I used this phrase right) I'm so bored I find things to do (that people are actually being paid to do) and I end up so tired at the end of the day: so, would I rather be bored or tired? Too tired to be bored, I suspect. I miss the nice people in inpatient pharmacy, I had rather liked going on rounds and seeing the pharmacists talk to patients who are sometimes just raring to be off and home.




My life has been a bit different since MC went to new york. In what way, I wonder. It feels more empty, random little hollow holes, and I find myself thinking about him, or rather, the lack of him, quite often. At least it's a more technologically advanced society now, I can't imagine myself like my mom, waiting for my dad's letter in the mail. Lucky us, instant email and webcamming shoos all the emo-blues away! But I wonder what made those old relationships last, and I feel some respect. I also have more time to think about my own life, and to reflect what I've done, and ponder what I am going to do.

I have also recently been wondering about friends. friendships. relationships with people, what are they based on? similar interests? being able to click, pieces of a puzzle? being able to share fears and listen to each other? why am I your friend and why are you mine? I can't seem to bring myself to say what I think honestly to someone I thought I was close to all these years. But yet some friendships never change even with the bare minimum contact we've had over the past year. I wonder if it is possible suddenly feel like I've never had a real friendship with somebody all along. Not being able to share honestly what is on my mind, not bothering to share, thinking the other person would not listen anyway. so what if I tend to be more introverted, and all I do is listen to another talk about herself all the time?
what is a friend's responsibility to another friend? to get smashed when you made an appointment with a friend the following day? to agree to a time to meet when you know you probably won't make it? am I being petty, or have I just had enough of you? when I went overseas all that mattered to you was that you had one less person to pour your troubles to and what I can buy for you since I am here. what is sincerity behind a pair of dark shades and ear buds full of music? so awkward that we have nothing to say, two people who used to be friends, and all you do is run while I keep my silence in my own escape. and these words behind the scenes. and the trust begins to fall apart.
and I suddenly feel angry at people who made me guilty because you celebrated my birthday for me, cooked for me, paid for my drinks, and I brought you nothing from america? I really appreciate what you did for me, but if this is way its going to be, it isn't real. (I can say, I didn't ask for it! So I said thanks, and should I be saying sorry?) perhaps I'm being selfish, and I am not saying I won't do anything for you in return, but just buying people things for the sake of it being from america makes no bloody difference to the friendship whatsoever. I want to let you know, I don't care what you think about it, and I'm not trying to make excuses (what for?) nor that I don't about you as a person, I just believe in getting practical presents for people when I see something I think is right for them. (What use are presents that just take up space?) and yet I still love you for all that you bothered to do for me when I was barely close to you, barely your friend back in JC. what am I to think? or am I just thinking too much, were you just joking, or am I angry that you said such a thing in front of so many people?

since I am 20, why am I STILL SO ANGSTY?


haha. for recent updates and random words to people.
I don't want people to read my blog and tell me "I understand you." that is that last thing I want to hear, I don't enjoy the idea of someone living my life through my blog. in my honest opinion, virtual friendships can only go so far without seeing each other face to face and spending time together. I blog, because I need to write, and sort incoherent thoughts into categories, muse, reflect, and feel ashamed. (like why people read mine when I don't bother reading theirs--where's my etiquette?)


Been everywhere with a book recently. Yays to reading on buses and while walking. and nearly killing myself with gripless favourite blue slippers. Cheers to Gaiman and Pratchett.

Cheers to meeting up with random friends and doing random things.
more to come I hope. I read First magazine and I have a list of movies I want to watch in theatres (and I realize I am broke, yea?)

0. The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (NOW! I mean NOW!)
1. Harry Potter (Duh.)
2. Paprika (watched it on crunchy roll cause I couldn't wait. now I can't resist)
3. Transformers (for the sake of trying to understand why guys love it-hey I had em toys TOO)
4. My wife is a gangster 3 (because I need some comedy)
5. Cashback (cause it sounded so hilarious.)
6. Poltergay (lol)

for the fangirl in me: Gackt has joined the list of seriously cute japanese musicians who have made me laugh out loud sitting right here at my computer. oh god, the atrociousness of it! and I wonder why. mmmm, vanilla. HAHA. I just can't take it anymore, I have started gackting after all that hyding. oh, dear.
the list as follows for my own fun and joy:
1. hyde
2. tetsu
3. hyde
4. yuki
5. gackt

Now, I'm just half-listening to gackt songs, and really happy cos he likes the thing I made for him, and that silly boy has got his hands all over the iPhone at newyork. and I have a transformers poster I can send to him! :D Tomorrow, or later, I have pilates lessons to sign up for, and a job to hunt for.



owari~
-*