charging

I wonder if it is the empowerment that makes up the 'butch'. to have similar privileges as men, but they are still women.



fuck damn this headache, I'm going to bed. I think I hear my body screaming.
but I do hate this dependent part of me who needs people all the time. grow up. I am me, and I may not be who you want me to be, or who you think I should be, and I should not pretend to be who I am not, or who I think you think I should be, because that is just plained fucked up. and I bloody hell hate this feeling and emotions that tell me I'm falling into like, but I know it will never work because it has already been denied, the notion rejected. because I would like to keep it platonic, but the needy annoying part of me longs for more. fuck that. because I want good friends, not empty hopes. I want someone I can ramble to, feel absolutely secure of our friendship, and never judging each other [well maybe not never] for things that are on the surface. I try to convince myself to stop being a fool and to believe that there is no one for me, because I don't deserve it. that I should have motivations, goals, other parts of me that needs to be fufilled by a career and self achievements. I want to make myself good. good enough. such a draggy story. I want to be glad I'm alive and I can still FEEL emotions. feel happy, feel sad. and feel appreciation, act on appreciation. BE A BETTER PERSON. remembering ms ong and her lessons.

sleep time. -yawn-

-*