raison

if everything has a reason, what is mine?

its amazingly hard to remember myself nowadays.

I actually dream about you, dX, at least from what I can tell by what I've written down in those half-awake moments of scant clarity. things I try hard to remember and internalize slip away from me like sand held too tight in my hands.

define: sexuality
perhaps one good thing about wiki and its editable contents would be that it reflects the general defination of the encyclopediad contents in the current society/ [do I love making up words] "Human sexuality refers to the expression of sexual sensation and related emotional intimacy between human beings." this one does seem to be less bombarded with complicated words that I have to google every other minute. some random thoughts on school. my exam question is cloudy in my head. I do want to do well for LGBTstudies. I want to be better at assimilating information into my simple-minded brain. this never ending fight to become more sophisticated, classy, educated. even tho I feel like I know nothing at all, I will learn something. psych is not what I thought it would be, but still its interesting. perhaps simple philosophy was what I was looking for, what a paradox. chem is just.. bombastic >_< euphemism for feelings I cannot express. being simple itself, is complicated.


rain does not smell and feel the same here. in singapore it pours and pours and its enjoyable to get drenched. you could call the rain here wussy, but the weather is freakish mad. inland geographics.










that empty feeling in your hands
ghosts of voices and piano keys in your mind
how you wish there could be something yet you wish there wasn't
to have the end in mind and
not daring to move
knots twists turns and it burns consequences and expectations
empty dreams and meaningless words
this comfort maybe a deception
but there is nothing that fits the lock







look up, smile
and remember



-*