patches in between

I feel like reminiscing a little about what has happened so far since I got here.

It has been exactly 3 weeks since I took off from the warm comfort of home... I'd say I definitely miss the weather, my granny's cooking, and the familiar voices of family and friends. I miss the solitary feeling of chilling in my own room, with all its junk and easy conveniences. I miss the freedom of going out whenever I want to do whatever I like. But its going good here.



First few days was spent with my dad, and I went hyper after meeting the singaporeans, which I assume has left that oh-anni-is-so-cheerful impression on everyone again. [and annoying] but I discover its nice to have chums and girlfriends you can hang out with everyday and actually identify with each other. So many things to do and see. What I'd give to go and spend a day at ECP tho, rollerblading, or course.

First week of school started in quite a stressful way, being waitlisted is a horribly anxious feeling, and the dread of screwing things up hung over everything I did for quite a while. Being afraid of falling short of expectations, procrastination and this empty feeling at the pit of my stomach, with nothing but clouds between my toes. I actually got to class early!


Then it started getting cold, homework and readings piled up like rubbish does in your garbage can [what a comparison - blame dorm life!!!] I realize I hang out with some people more than others, and that social outings never seem to cease. Everything and everyone are only 3weeks fresh, or 3 weeks old. Sometimes to turn to a stranger next to you in line or at lunch to say hi and exchange niceties seems like an incredibly hard thing to do. What's the point of coming all the way out here just to miss home so badly? Still wondering why. Occasionally I go into bitch-fit mode and resent being labeled, called names, generalized. About not understanding each other and yet assuming to. sometimes I wonder why we spend all our lives trying to find an identity and fight so hard and bitter against labels. The sense of self is amazing. Sometimes I think thoughts about pride and affection and this craving for warmth and the idealistic dreams you dream of when you're so far away from home. That aside, I called some people back in Singapore recently, and with the cosmo staff its like, call one, get all... buy one get all free. wah piang eh. get jajah already. liyan if you see this get them to do it and call my hp ok. but I wonder why some people I want to talk to I can't get through.


Its now halfway through the week. With everyday it draws closer to the weekend, with every weekend it draws closer to having exams. But with every exam it draws closer to going home. I wonder if I will. Who knows I might stay here and work forever. I have to say, having even a debit visa card is a very liberating feeling. [even tho the money inside was not my own.] it just goes to prove that with money you can do so many more things, however materialistic it sounds, and however badly I do not want to admit it. cheers to online shopping!



its nearing 3am in the morning here, my toes are cold, but if they turned blue I wouldn't be able to tell, which is what is keeping me from painting my nails black as well... I don't wanna die!!!


good nights, and hello to tomorrow.
there better be more sun.
-*