i've got twenty-five bucks and a cracker do you think its enough

to get us there

today is one of those days I really can't stand myself. I'm so annoying. I hate myself.
and it makes me wish I could hide in my room so I would stop acting in such a lousy way, whining away even when I know that makes me even more annoying. and annoyed. so I have this urge to run away, hide where no one can see and hear, so you wouldn't have to see the ugly me. its disappointing.


in these jeans of his



ok shut up and get over it. life sucks, take drugs!!!
only I don't wanna get fat and therefore, must resist that happy drug called chocolate. [ah this freakish obsession with fat, why can't I just get over the damn thing?] wishing I could just disappear into the background - don't notice me, don't see me, don't hear me - and sort myself out.



yes I'm still scared because this is how I ruined it
because I didn't do enough
and I got lost
it is a never ending drag of trying to define myself then throwing it all back in my own face by refusing to be defined

what a contradiction.

with her name still on it

I feel chilly and cold inside, like I'm not worth anything, questioning and questioning why am I here, why do I do what I do and what do I want from what I do? I think I left behind the flame called passion that previously was channeled into band and the music, along with too many memories that I try to grip too tightly and it trickles away in between my fingers. motivation lies still in its grave, my body yearns to give the 100% but the mind just thinks, why bother? I want to seek a new thrill, a new passion, where I give my all and expect nothing.




the crazy cold weather let up a little this afternoon - it was sunny! and it actually contained real warmth - it probably says horrible things about the environment its supposed to be cold - it was a short cheerful walk from the michigan union to the undergrad library.
wish it was longer.




baby don't look up
the sky is falling


-*