m&m's are running out

I hate myself.




for lacking in self-control.
HELLO MIN. WHAT DID YOU COME ALL THE WAY TO THE USA FOR?
because you wanted to learn some "life lessons?"


comfort zones and maturity, bullshit.

...


just a little bit more, dinner break's over already, still a little bit more... girl, you did psych before how can you make such excuses to yourself while you know when you are making excuses to try and rationalize your irrational behavior?



but seriously, I have been falling in all sorts of ways these days. falling. unhealthy obsessions and choices.


...

too much CRACK. pin. pikame. WHATEVER. stupidfanfictionhasmeinitsgripsagain. afterafewyearsofkeepingawaysoiwouldn'tindulgeinsuchfantasies
but somehow, I seek creative comfort. comfort in the imaginary - simply because it can't hurt me. I am always torn, two-faced [characteristics of the twins? or does it simply sound cheesy], flighty, restless... what should I do with myself?


stupidJEgaypr0nangst
crack: endorphins, sugar, caffeine.
unbelievably listening to NEWSjpop and not feeling like throwing up.
listening to old playlists and suddenly knowing the reason why I detest nostalgia - because it makes me insecure of the Present. I want to live in the Present, but knowing myself, I live too much in the Past. but if there wasn't a Past I'd be empty. believing, where does that come in?



half-filled vessels make the most noise.
BACK TO WORK, bitch.



I hate to admit it, but techno sounds pretty damn interesting music at times. or maybe you can call it lounge. IDK. IDC. laskdjaslkdjasda *key smash*
















-*

of all things, why johnny's?

now I understand that -dokidoki- seeminglyretardedsounding emotion that fangirls use in all their raaavvvingggg comments on crunchyroll.

I need a nosebleed.
and I think, wtf, I'm a girl, only guys nosebleed in mangas and animes, dammit. hence The Great Age of The Fangirl has arrived! I hate to admit it, but I think I've been screwed over by fangirldom, officially. Why? Because I have sunk as low as Johnny Juniors. ARGHHHHHHHH.


they can't dance.
they can't sing.
they lip sync.

they make me feel like I just defiled innocent children with my eyes. [perhaps not so innocent after being voluntarily manipulated into stardom by Johnny] ARGHHH the piddo guilt. not. I am tehhhhhh-amazed at how this big cooperation sells prettiness; pretty-boy-ness. they have absolutely no other value except for their baby-faced kawaii looks and the over-enthusiastic but smexy dance smooves when they try to act like they aren't kids. I stand amazed at the entertainment industry.





matsumoto jun.
ikuta toma.
yamapi.



hook,
line,
and
sinker.






OK.
enough.
no more, no more, NO MORE!!!

concentrate.
finals!!!
finals!!!
FINALS!!!




to repeat everything thrice, I must be desperate. pretty much. very.
study my ass off, then visit the boyfriend in NY for a newyorkie winter.


-*