sigh

its happening again.

what I said I didn't want to happen again.
sometimes I wonder if it was like that from the start.
and as usual I have too much pride
I'm stubborn and selfish
I don't look or seem like the kind who has problems expressing myself.
I can type it out perfectly fine.
but actually saying it is difficult
I wonder, if its because it makes it all too real









I probably never really believed myself.
I wonder if I've ever felt anything since a long time ago
its cold inside here
where I think





if everyone demanded as much attention back from me, I would probably have no friends left.
and nope,
I really don't open up to people.

not at all.
there are a million things I might have to say
but silence is much easier
writing in circles
unraveling myself





when I finally have enough courage
no one's listening anymore

THUNDERSTORM.

I am INSANELY HAPPY.

how can someone ever miss the rumble of thunder so damn much?






It is a sweet, sensual, sultry growl.




oh, sexy.
absolutely.



-*

mmm.

winter break. school.
again!

mildy dissatisfied with math 215 being my only proper A, and human anat, biochem, physical chem A-'s... sometimes I think we ought to believe in A+'s if they were worth more points to my GPA. what is this. am I being too unreasonable with my expectations of myself? I really wonder about my "education", and what I'm actually getting out of it, whether I'm making this worthwhile always, and what I want out of it. have I been taking too many chill pills or have I been a stress junkie? I do some insanely stupid things at the most inappropriate times really, and I wonder what they say about me. not very smart and wise.

class in five minutes, but there's always michigan time and today my LCD monitor is coming so I can stop hunching over my desk and improve my posture. If it can be changed from all these years of lack of self confidence and whatnot. something about being unappreciative of my height. brick me now!


did I mention, idolizing pretty boys is a very dangerous hobby. VERY VERY DANGER. sigh~


-*