little buildings

exams have finally ended, and I'm happy with my 4.00 GPA. I'm not trying to brag but I'm kind of happy with myself :) I've never gotten A's this often in JC and chemistry is still fun, after all. does wonders for self-esteem. ah screw it.


freedom! sort of.
the two days immediately after end of exams was spent much in a passive daze, catching up on my anime/manga/gaming-deficit heh and junking myself out. all hail the couch potato.

and in the midst of the slight boredom was this nostalgia. one of the reasons I don't blogsurf often is because I learn of others lives. and I know it sounds ridiculous - it makes me want to be there and be part of their lives, and it sucks even more when you are half the world away. people talking about friends and gatherings - and oh fuck I just wish I was there. its not like I'm not happy with the people around me, or that I am unsatisfied and ungrateful for being able to come so far. missing home I guess? selfishness, but close friends were always close by. spending time with different people all the time.


I need a passion!!! argh. and I need people in it. basically, I need something like band. where do I find that? perhaps I need to discover a new passion that doesn't just feel like an excuse.



I'm in boston right now, I like the atmosphere. all quaint and old. the worn sidewalks and cobbled streets are a nice change to the potholed tar roads of ann arbor. yes, I like boston! went on the Freedom Trail today, and saw urban wildlife - falcons are awfully pretty. not just pretty in the airyfairy way. its the predator-beauty. (this which reminds me of what my lgbt prof said about her r/s) I like predatory birds! walked around alot today, and tomorrow we're going to walk museums and eat dimsum and good food!




meh.

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happy birthday!

happy happy happy 19th birthday to sirui!!!

acks, I'm 4 hours late. this is one of those times where I hate the time difference! and I realized I didn't wish you happy birthday earlier when you talked to me on MSN. I just got your package today, signed my name and date on the slip at the frontdesk - and realized, HOLY COW its december 13th omgwtfbbqkthxbye that its your birthday. I hope you'll like the card tho... when it arrives ;p


oh. and I am so pissed you spent so much money sending me MEIJI CHOCOLATES!!! yahhhHHHH!!! the postages overkills the chocolate! but so happy so happy so happy you sent them! its instigated some explosive epiphany on my part. argh. and it makes me feel so infinitely glad to have a friend like you and a really guilty and unworthy friend as well. because I ask what have I done to deserve this? because I always feel like I've been receiving and not giving enough. [one day I'll try to send some cheesecake back.] imagine me screaming my thanks all the way from silly cold Michigan.





cross my heart and die a girafagawaah, eh.


rawrRR

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mmm I like this.

this is so funny. I'm creepy... hahaha.

something I don't understand.

why does it seem to me that all the girls who are staying in Central campus this year, want to move to stay on North off-campus housing? guys who are engineers who stay North I understand because they alll can drive, a minority can't. and they are going to get cars.

right. so now I, one of the few girls who actually stay in North campus dorm and travel to Central everyday and stay there for lunch and dinner, want the convenience of food, coffee, classes right next to my bed. and I shall stop demanding a room to myself. I don't need a big room, it would only encourage me to expand my things !!!all over the floor!!! haha and myself as well. I don't want to stay up North unless my dad says I should save some money, because I can't drive, and even though I want to learn how to drive, I don't want to drive to school everyday! north vs central = $_$ and time = money how?


and THIS. when I need to keep awake to do work at night.

"Thank you for your interest.

We regret to inform that users using US registered IP addresses will not be
able to access our internet simulcasts at this time due to unresolved
copyright issues which are peculiar to the US jurisdiction.

Users with IP addresses registered in other jurisdictions will not be affected."

I can't even get my chinese radio station fix here. wtf ;_;
screw you america with all this copyright rubbish. ITS RADIO!!! wah piang eh!



-dies of psych paper-

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so. recently.

bah humbug!



all I've been doing is study at the dude! or trying to. I hope in the end it was useful, because I am such a slow worker and often only respond faster when under pressure of deadlines [but that makes me feel abit crazy]

so many things due next week! I've been saying this for ages.
what else, what else? monotonous life is not interesting to write about.




well then, perhaps a little about relationships with other people. I always try my best to convince myself I really don't give a shit about what other people say, because they do it often without thought, and often they are people who really don't matter, but it still gets to me. and I also know that lashing out at a friend because of a bad day and momentary paranoia isn't fair, and I will apologize. I doubt no one deserves such a bad reaction from me. It is one of those arguments with myself about whether its ok to behave like a total bitch when I am pms-ing, just because. well, maybe I behave like a total bitch (most of the time anyway! haha), but its not fair to others in a sense, because they have done nothing that warrants such bad behavior from me, and I wonder if there could be any conscious control over mood-swings and such. to what extent are we really in control?



we were engaged in a discussion today whether should such a class like ours be compulsory for everyone, would it make anything better if they read our readings? about the history of homosexuality, how it didn't used to be defined that way, the politics among the community, how it is always men and always men fucking young boys and women in some, and lesbian politics on sex for this week's really 'this-way-or-the-other-depends-on-how-you-take-it' readings... the patriarchal society and the phallic symbol and power play, it's enough to stun a cow. a few of them. and we thought, probably, no. it would just scare the shit out of people. the way I see people around me react when I tell them what classes I'm taking, how was my day, what I did in class, wassup [hey, you asked]. but my friends can't speak for america, and sometimes we can't even speak for ourselves. so now how brown cow? its been a really gay day. side-whatever-ways.

today also marks the grand total of TWO times I've spoken up voluntarily during class discussion. [not asked a question] I never knew that such a thing could cause me to break out in sweat, my heart to pound like some panicked rat[well I probably really wouldn't know] and feel the blood, [oh wonderfully hot blood!] rushing up to my head and into my ears and it heightens my perception and the world starts warping at the edges. just psyching myself up raise my hand, open my mouth is like some freak show in my head. why? what do you call this?






oh goodness, I've spent way too long writing this. bah.
getting back to work,
your not-so-straight-but-not-so-queer-oh-really friend.



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