why am I afraid of being forgotten?

sometimes it feels like your heart could break and never heal, but it would.
you wish you could be with these people always, but time does not wait.


I will just learn to look forward to the next time we meet again! argh, even if parting feels like crap, I've had so much fun ;p

-

not toeing the line

the moment is over,



don't chase shadows anymore.

I don't think I'll say things like I regret choosing to go overseas anymore. I looked down on what I had here. I have no right to. and it just makes it harder for me to convince myself to do my best. which I should, not because I'm spending my parents hard-earned money, but because whatever happens in the end will be my own doing. and I must learn to be responsible for myself. am I a creature with no pride? am I shameless? a street punk with no respectable future? put aside your cravings to be cool and in the happening crowd, its not going to happen, ever. if I want style, its only gonna go so far. forget the material needs and reflect within myself. it gets harder and harder to do, because I run along with everything else. such a social creature, but is it a sin? the more I open up and commit, the harder it is to leave. but I know it was a good experience, I created good memories with others, and for myself.

-note to self: stop slacking and make stuff... this is your last chance.


蓝色的天空没有寂寞的感觉


-
*

countdown to takeoff

today cosmopolitan bar and caffe had her official launching!

change of uniform, can you believe it, that beaded and sequined butterfly brooch cost 9bux. and suddenly I remb ms. ong telling us, only older women need loud and flashy stuff to enhance their outfit. and I am not old yet. hurhur. briefing and role-call... in the end things never happen like you plan it to be. I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I still don't know what the heck are some items on the menu, but sunday is my last day :(: working at Free Banana has been fun, even with the really sien period, but getting to know and be sure of the new[screwed up] menu is another challenge. sometimes I think about this - I'm not gonna see these people for a very very very long time, and I feel damn sad. and at a time when I start to view them more as friends than colleagues... [and I start shooting my mouth off at people] what to do? but if I think about it in the reverse way, how many of these people will I see outside work even if I am in Singapore? some sort of irony. but the bottom line is, even if I want to see em, I won't be able to until I come back. and by then, people will have changed, people will have forgotten, and will have moved on and made more important memories of other good times with other people. good things always come to an end [how cliche] and the only feeling a twinge of regret leaving when I start to feel steady and confident on the job.



oh, slap me, I'm angsting at half past three in the morning.
so long, and hope to see you again.
how sad.
but inevitable.








let loose
sing it out loud

and oh baby I miss you


- *

say it out loud

whee. doing opening at work is tiring on an empty stomach. rawrRR last week le! need self control, must set priorities straight le... I'm not doing this for the money, I'm doing this for the challenge simply because joe said the previous girls who worked at FB quit after 2 days =O

today ran around town to look for wireless with boon. only nydc has free and usable wireless! 很好笑... bleh. and btw, paktor you head arh!

oh and omfg they put me in baits II! I'm kinda pissed. but something told me it might happen :( after all, not everything in life goes your way... I would be close to my classes :( maybe I should have opted for all girls dorm eh, so I'll end up in one defined dorma nd not play with luck... if its called luck ._." I feel lousy cos I think my parents will feel lousy and go 'oh no, now you have to waste time travelling around! can you appeal?' and I don't really want to hear them say that either.




wonder whats it like in baits II. so far away from everything... maybe it'll be nice. maybe.
I hope. someone send me the song wake me up when september ends please. sappy sappy angsty sounding song!





blek



- *

feelin' fresh

-glares-

I finally did the maths placement test for LSA... it's been bugging me for ages. I think I'm that kind of person you need to nag at me in order for me to get something done ahead of time. I think I should improve on that... and that's where the guilty conscience kicks in. but shouldn't it be that 'sense of responsibility for myself'?
self-discipline, if that is what you call it, I think I need a damn lot of it. sometimes I really piss myself off.
they emailed me about international orientation. my citizenship is really screwed up. either that or its them at UofM. I hope I don't get held up at the airport or something on my flight. anyway, that email made me panic for a moment >=| it would have been a good experience to have gone for it because I haven't been back there since forever. I should have chased them for my orientation information when they didn't get back to me. maybe I shouldn't always think things will work out right. try harder next time. I had thought my parents would scold me for not following up, especially since the email said I would receive furthur confirmation, but I didn't. I -should- have noticed. I just waited around for others to do all the things for me. will I learn?


I'm still loving the fujitsu... my mom wants it bad o.O I don't know for what. oh yea, the battery life is longer than hers. don't buy lappies with built in batts, you tend to overcharge if you plug and play at home. ie. maple! I take my batteries out if I plug into the power at home [or have sudden standbys when I'm watching anime ._."] her fujitsu is larger than mine [sizewise] and the batt dies in half an hour. pffft. now that I have my vaio [my precious... xD] she wants to kop the fujitsu already. I wanna cut and paste the hard disk -_- sending files to myself thru msn seems slightly psychotic HAHA. good reason to stay home an reorganize my stuff and not work, meaning not see faces I don't wanna see... It does get tiring working with her, to be honest.











deviant: 'the reason' is a song good only for momentary dwelling in angst, after a while, I think I would like to throw it out the window and berate myself of angsting in the first place -___-|| nande???


music does change my mood uber quickly.






let me indulge you



- *

...

tired. dad bought me a sony vaio from china! I think it costs 3k+sing. I'm quite amazed. He scolded me for having only 20+bucks in my bank account and gave me money to top up my farecard. feel so paiseh to have to ask for money, and kinda loved.

so many things to do.
time to quit working.

fook. I wanna quit work. being at the bar is fun. but I'm just tired.
and I don't want to care what other people think.
I want him to teach me how to do bar properly. I want to do something properly and feel satisfied with myself.